Today’s late night post is sponsored by the three cups of coffee I had today, my midnight snack (pita chips, hummus, banana, and water) and the conversation I had with a friend.
HELLO GUYS! I am back.Yes, it’s me. You are not hallucinating. It’s been so long but please don’t hate me. I have tried guys. I promise I have tried, but there’s one thing that keeps getting in the way his name is severe anxiety. I have severe anxiety and depression which has led me to stop reading and writing. I love writing, but I get so anxious because of this blog. I want to give you quality content without changing who I am, but I also feel like I cannot for my life follow what’s how in the book world. I have decided to go back to writing as part of me trying to overcome this.
I know my family probably don’t want people to know, but I want to destigmatize mental illness. Having a mental illness doesn’t make you crazy, I was already crazy before it all, and it doesn’t make you less of a person. Do not listen to the voice that tells you this. I also want to be open because when one person opens the conversation other people, who are probably ashamed of their mental illness, see they are not alone and opens to the conversation. SO YEAH. I am Jeannette Breeze Wilsom William, and I am struggling with depression and anxiety. I am not ashamed.
Mental health is as important as physical health. If you had a broken leg, you would go to the doctor or if you have a physical condition like cancer or the flu you wouldn’t be ashamed of it. Then why is that we make people suffering from mental illness ashamed of being sick? Why are we ashamed of it? Let’s talk about mental health.
I am not ashamed to admit that I go to a psychologist, and a psychiatrist or that I had to take intensive therapy for it. I want you to know. I want you to understand. It was a struggle. I was so ashamed that I didn’t ask for help until I could no longer take it. I didn’t ask for help until I felt like I didn’t know how to live another day. When the thought of living another day like a “normal person” seemed impossible. To go to all my classes? Is that even possible? I used to go to all my classes, study, commute and spend time with f
amily. So why does it seem impossible just to get out of bed? Why did it felt overwhelming thinking I had to do this again and again and again? Well, I didn’t know this at the moment, but the severe anxiety that I always had taken me to the point of depression. I started as a high functioning depressed person until I burned myself to the ground.
“When you have depression and anxiety life is a roller coaster. Some days you are up, high on life, full of hope, feelings like you can conquer anything and some days you are down. When you’re down you feel like everything is shitty, sometimes you hate everything or simply just want to lay on your bed hiding from the world. For me, the worse days are the twirls when you are a mix of emotions. When you feel you’re a tornado and you want to cry and laugh while hating the world and you have hope but you feel hopeless all at the same time until it hits a point where you just need someone but don’t want them to hug you but want their love. UGH. That was me yesterday (…) When you’re anxious, perfectionist and a highly functional person hitting a depression and not having the drive to do things is frustrating. It can work for days, months and even years. You burn yourself doing things you know you have to do, gets frustrated when your depression stops you from achieving perfection all while acting like nothing is wrong. It is draining, but it gets to a point where you burn yourself.” -Burning Closets
I couldn’t have said better myself. I am on a rollercoaster right now I’m in the area that is
full of short-lived ups filled with many downs, but I am working towards it. I am working towards overcoming it, and I want you, my reader, to understand this. I am trying. I swear I am, but every step feels like it weighs a hundred tons and going backward feels as light as a feather.
My psychologist told me that on average the human being gets depressed 3 to 4 times in their life. Everyone is fighting their own battles and just because you can’t see the scars and bruises don’t mean they aren’t hurt. Let’s stop shaming mental illness. Having a mental illness is not a joke or something to be ashamed of. Let’s open the conversation and support each other. Let’s build each other up.